My beautiful son told me I am to be a grandmother last night. Wow, didn't see that train coming at all!
It flattened me as it shot out of nowhere and roared like a live thing in my ears...
My face must have been a treat as I went through joy, shock, wonder, melancholy, reflection, incredulity, astonishment and even a little fear.
Sadness too. I wondered if I would have a place in this sweet babes life. Texas is after all, a long way from little ‘ole’ New Zealand.
He was terrified. I guess I'm really scary, but then I looked at him, really looked at him and I could see that it wasn't me he was so afraid of, it was providing for and nurturing a family of his own, when he hadn't a roof over his head. A dollar in his pocket or a job. Shit!
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I really thought though that I'd impressed upon him and his brother the absolute and irrevocable rule about safe sex and condoms...
So much for that! He's only known the girl a few months, but I know he's smitten.
She's his Yang.
I'd been lying on my bed watching a favourite episode of TrueBlood, watching Eric do his thing and having delicious fantasies about a bloody tv character of all things, when Mati had walked into my room. He came up onto the bed beside me and lay down. Eric and his hot Viking body would have to take a backseat.
By the time my child had divested himself of his news and lay in a puddle in my arms, I was beyond thinking of anything else.
Just the moment we were in.
I looked at him.
This beautiful young man, all 6'7" beside me and just for a moment...I remembered the night I'd given birth to him.
It was after the traumatic delivery, everyone had finally left and I was alone with my new baby. They'd trussed him up like a turkey and put him in a clear crib beside my bed and as I gazed at him, my beautiful baby boy with wonder and not a little awe, I was overwhelmed with the undeniable truth that this child was my responsibility 24/7. That he might live or die by my hand should I be careless or drop my guard. I was somebody's Mother...
For just a moment there was terror and horror of what we had so thoughtlessly created and it threatened to drown me. Then he mewed just like a kitten. A soft muted cry and I fell inlove with him.
I would love him all the days of my life, protect him and feed him from my breast, guide and encourage him...
Ready or not, now it's his turn.
Guess he'll just have to deal with it the same way we all do; one step at a time.
It flattened me as it shot out of nowhere and roared like a live thing in my ears...
My face must have been a treat as I went through joy, shock, wonder, melancholy, reflection, incredulity, astonishment and even a little fear.
Sadness too. I wondered if I would have a place in this sweet babes life. Texas is after all, a long way from little ‘ole’ New Zealand.
He was terrified. I guess I'm really scary, but then I looked at him, really looked at him and I could see that it wasn't me he was so afraid of, it was providing for and nurturing a family of his own, when he hadn't a roof over his head. A dollar in his pocket or a job. Shit!
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I really thought though that I'd impressed upon him and his brother the absolute and irrevocable rule about safe sex and condoms...
So much for that! He's only known the girl a few months, but I know he's smitten.
She's his Yang.
I'd been lying on my bed watching a favourite episode of TrueBlood, watching Eric do his thing and having delicious fantasies about a bloody tv character of all things, when Mati had walked into my room. He came up onto the bed beside me and lay down. Eric and his hot Viking body would have to take a backseat.
By the time my child had divested himself of his news and lay in a puddle in my arms, I was beyond thinking of anything else.
Just the moment we were in.
I looked at him.
This beautiful young man, all 6'7" beside me and just for a moment...I remembered the night I'd given birth to him.
It was after the traumatic delivery, everyone had finally left and I was alone with my new baby. They'd trussed him up like a turkey and put him in a clear crib beside my bed and as I gazed at him, my beautiful baby boy with wonder and not a little awe, I was overwhelmed with the undeniable truth that this child was my responsibility 24/7. That he might live or die by my hand should I be careless or drop my guard. I was somebody's Mother...
For just a moment there was terror and horror of what we had so thoughtlessly created and it threatened to drown me. Then he mewed just like a kitten. A soft muted cry and I fell inlove with him.
I would love him all the days of my life, protect him and feed him from my breast, guide and encourage him...
Ready or not, now it's his turn.
Guess he'll just have to deal with it the same way we all do; one step at a time.
