My middle son Cheyne,
who turned twenty three this year, told me last night, that one of his best mates, lost his younger brother, who committed suicide by hanging himself. He was twenty one years old.
He left a note that said he loved his family, but that life was too hard...
What could ever be so hard at twenty one that life just isn't worth living?
I know this kids' family and my heart aches for them. I can only imagine the heartbreak they must be dealing with.
I look at this picture of Cheyne, that I took the last time I saw him, which was at his older brothers 21st birthday in Waiuku, NZ, nearly four years ago now.
Wow...time flies!
He's filled out since then, lost the beard and shaved his hair off and lives with a gorgeous young woman he's crazy about. He's still my baby. Even when he's an old fart if I'm still around, that won't change.
But to even contemplate something like this happening to him. Is just... Oh God...just the thought of it...leaves me choked. At a loss for words...
I'm not sure how you ever recover from something like that.
Life is hard sometimes and none of us get out of it alive. Perhaps it's just me, but suicide is such a final, self absorbed and egocentric way of dealing with (or not) whatever has finally 'broken the camels back' Worse, you're not given the chance to help.
According to the Social Report 2010;
Horrible figures that would seem to suggest an increasing epidemic.
I've no idea what the answer is, violence seems to be increasing all the time. Even more disturbing are the number of kids who take up arms and kill and maim as many others as possible, usually other young people, before turning the weapon on themselves or being shot by police.
Seriously, what the fuck is up with that?
Obviously I'm as thick as two planks because I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
We're not talking about returned Vet's from Afghanistan or Iraq say, although there was that shrink at Fort Hood, here in Texas that shot fellow soldiers who lost the plot recently. I pity the poor soldiers that were under his care! They could at least be forgiven for going off the deep end with post traumatic stress syndrome, but school kids...
What is it? They're not getting enough 'instant gratification' out of life?
The expectations for them are set too high?
Peer pressure?
Laziness?
Could it be environmental? Something in the water?
Or maybe it's the way they were raised.
It's all Mom and Dad's fault.
They weren't rich enough.
They were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a kid?
Mum or Dad didn't love him/her enough?
They wouldn't give enough?
Didn't give in enough?
Why?
Who knows. Maybe the right girl or boy turned out to be the wrong one. Or worse rejected their advances. Maybe they were bullied, a victim. Maybe they were the bully
When did life become so pointless? So futile and meaningless that checking out was the ONLY answer? Who knows?
Someone once said 'that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger' And it's so true. So many have to cope every day with insurmountable 'real life' issues and problems. Life threatening disease, physical or mental limitations, trying to survive on no money, no work, or a roof over their heads. A multitude of different challenges for individuals and families, that some face on a daily basis. Yet somehow they find the will, the courage and the strength to carry on.
But that's not even what I'm talking about here. This...this is just...sad.
My sons have made the biggest impact in my life, that I could ever have imagined and I couldn't be prouder to be their mother or love them any more than I do. They have brought me such joy and happiness and a whole host of emotions in between. The two eldest from my first marriage are adults now, living their own lives, making their own decisions, dealing with whatever life puts in front of them on a daily basis. I know it hasn't and isn't always easy for them 'finding their own feet' coping when things aren't going the way they want them to, dealing with their own insecurities and demons. Yet I couldn't be prouder that they keep on keeping on and do the best they can, that any of us can, at the time.
My second husband and I have a nine year old who thinks he's the boss of us. He certainly keeps us on our toes and life interesting and I wouldn't have missed him or his brothers for the world!
There are no curtain calls after death. At least not for most of us. Some might be lucky enough to gain a few more years, with a heart, lung or liver transplant. But for the rest of us, when your time is up here on earth, that's it. Whatever your personal or religious beliefs, in my mind at least, all there is, is what we have right here and now.
This moment. this minute, this day... and it's just too precious to waste!
How you live it, how you make it count. How you impact others and how you see yourself and what, if anything you leave behind. Those we love and make a part of our lives, and if we're really lucky, love us back in return...
Because, if this is all we have, of our time here on earth, I know I want every single minute there is of it. I want to know at the end that I lived my life to the fullest. That I loved with everything that I am and had to give. That I laughed and cried, knew sorrow and sunshine. Learned the difference between what really mattered and what didn't. And I want that for my boys.
So my humble advice, opinion is simply to make it count.
Carpe diem!
Seize the day!
He left a note that said he loved his family, but that life was too hard...
What could ever be so hard at twenty one that life just isn't worth living?
I know this kids' family and my heart aches for them. I can only imagine the heartbreak they must be dealing with.
I look at this picture of Cheyne, that I took the last time I saw him, which was at his older brothers 21st birthday in Waiuku, NZ, nearly four years ago now.
Wow...time flies!
He's filled out since then, lost the beard and shaved his hair off and lives with a gorgeous young woman he's crazy about. He's still my baby. Even when he's an old fart if I'm still around, that won't change.
But to even contemplate something like this happening to him. Is just... Oh God...just the thought of it...leaves me choked. At a loss for words...
I'm not sure how you ever recover from something like that.
Life is hard sometimes and none of us get out of it alive. Perhaps it's just me, but suicide is such a final, self absorbed and egocentric way of dealing with (or not) whatever has finally 'broken the camels back' Worse, you're not given the chance to help.
According to the Social Report 2010;
A comparison of the latest age-standardised suicide death rates in 13 OECD countries30 between 2002 and 2007 shows New Zealand’s (2007) rate was the fourth highest for males (17.4 per 100,000 males) and the sixth highest for females (4.9 per 100,000 females).31 Finland had the highest male suicide death rate (27.4 per 100,000 in 2006), while Japan had the highest female rate (10.0 per 100,000 in 2006). Canada (15.5 in 2005) had a lower rate of male suicide deaths than New Zealand, as did the United States (16.2 in 2005) and Australia (16.0 in 2003). The United Kingdom had the lowest male suicide death rate (9.4 in 2005). Canada (4.8), Australia (4.4), the United States (4.0) and the United Kingdom (2.9) all reported lower female suicide death rates than New Zealand.
New Zealand had the second highest male youth (15–24 years) suicide death rate (after Finland), and the second highest female youth suicide death rate (after Japan).
I've no idea what the answer is, violence seems to be increasing all the time. Even more disturbing are the number of kids who take up arms and kill and maim as many others as possible, usually other young people, before turning the weapon on themselves or being shot by police.
Seriously, what the fuck is up with that?
Obviously I'm as thick as two planks because I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
We're not talking about returned Vet's from Afghanistan or Iraq say, although there was that shrink at Fort Hood, here in Texas that shot fellow soldiers who lost the plot recently. I pity the poor soldiers that were under his care! They could at least be forgiven for going off the deep end with post traumatic stress syndrome, but school kids...
What is it? They're not getting enough 'instant gratification' out of life?
The expectations for them are set too high?
Peer pressure?
Laziness?
Could it be environmental? Something in the water?
Or maybe it's the way they were raised.
It's all Mom and Dad's fault.
They weren't rich enough.
They were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a kid?
Mum or Dad didn't love him/her enough?
They wouldn't give enough?
Didn't give in enough?
Why?
Who knows. Maybe the right girl or boy turned out to be the wrong one. Or worse rejected their advances. Maybe they were bullied, a victim. Maybe they were the bully
When did life become so pointless? So futile and meaningless that checking out was the ONLY answer? Who knows?
Someone once said 'that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger' And it's so true. So many have to cope every day with insurmountable 'real life' issues and problems. Life threatening disease, physical or mental limitations, trying to survive on no money, no work, or a roof over their heads. A multitude of different challenges for individuals and families, that some face on a daily basis. Yet somehow they find the will, the courage and the strength to carry on.
But that's not even what I'm talking about here. This...this is just...sad.
My sons have made the biggest impact in my life, that I could ever have imagined and I couldn't be prouder to be their mother or love them any more than I do. They have brought me such joy and happiness and a whole host of emotions in between. The two eldest from my first marriage are adults now, living their own lives, making their own decisions, dealing with whatever life puts in front of them on a daily basis. I know it hasn't and isn't always easy for them 'finding their own feet' coping when things aren't going the way they want them to, dealing with their own insecurities and demons. Yet I couldn't be prouder that they keep on keeping on and do the best they can, that any of us can, at the time.
My second husband and I have a nine year old who thinks he's the boss of us. He certainly keeps us on our toes and life interesting and I wouldn't have missed him or his brothers for the world!
There are no curtain calls after death. At least not for most of us. Some might be lucky enough to gain a few more years, with a heart, lung or liver transplant. But for the rest of us, when your time is up here on earth, that's it. Whatever your personal or religious beliefs, in my mind at least, all there is, is what we have right here and now.
This moment. this minute, this day... and it's just too precious to waste!
How you live it, how you make it count. How you impact others and how you see yourself and what, if anything you leave behind. Those we love and make a part of our lives, and if we're really lucky, love us back in return...
Because, if this is all we have, of our time here on earth, I know I want every single minute there is of it. I want to know at the end that I lived my life to the fullest. That I loved with everything that I am and had to give. That I laughed and cried, knew sorrow and sunshine. Learned the difference between what really mattered and what didn't. And I want that for my boys.
So my humble advice, opinion is simply to make it count.
Carpe diem!
Seize the day!
So true Pearl & I'm sure the reasons are 'all of the above'& more but you're right it seems to be more prevalent now than in the past.
ReplyDeleteThey don't realise how different ones life can be from one small change which can happen in a day a week a year.
Many people are working toward a better future for the young tho' & as we begin to understand the workings of the mind - good practice in parenting etc will take hold - it's only when we lose these modern martyrs that we collectively realise there's a problem. All is working toward progress eventually & what was tolerated years ago isn't now.
Thank you for your thoughts they help us to crystalise ours.
Love, Chris xxx